Jami

Infertility appointment

2009-10-10T19:45:00.000-07:00

My appointment went better than I expected. I freaked out at last minute, texted Renee and told her I didn't want to be there, she calmed me down though.

Dr. Mooney was great. We went over my medical history a lot. When he found out I hadn't had an ultrasound in a long time (at least 6 or 7 years) he looked mad! Not at me, just that no other doctor had thought to make sure my ovaries were okay, free of cysts and fibroids.

After we did that he and his nurse gave me a lot of information. They gave me a 10-day prescription of Provera to start AF. Once AF shows up I need to go in for a bunch of bloodwork, it has to be a morning appointment on CD2-CD4 and I have to fast beforehand. Yeah.

Between CD6-CD11 I will need to get an HSG. It's where they stick a catheter in your uterus and inject dye to make sure your fallopian tubes are not blocked at all.

In the mean time Jeff's going for a sperm analysis. Most likely it's not a problem, it's just to rule it out really.

As long as everything comes back okay he wants me to do 1-2 more cycles of Clomid. But he monitors, which means, ultrasounds, trigger shots, which should help out immensely compared to what I was used to with Paragon. I'm a little disappointed they weren't more proactive with things. But at least I'm getting the help I need now.

Starting my 101 things in 1001 days tomorrow. I may tweak it but that will have to wait until morning. It's almost 11:00 p.m. and I'm exhausted. Thinkning it's almost time for bed, I have a lot to do tomorrow, grocery shop, clean the house up, run to bank (I love that Chartero One is open on Sunday's), go to the bookstore and meet a friend, we're going to have coffee, discuss the doctor appointment and study together. Then I have to work afternoon shift at my part-time job. 4-12:30. Told Jeff he has to take Steven to school Monday morning so I can get a little extra sleep before work since Monday is a long day for me, not only being first day back from the weekend at work but it's also a school night for me, so I don't get home until 8:00 p.m. and Jeff told Lisa we'd take Steven for the evening for her.

Vacation, Infertility and more!

2009-10-03T18:48:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile. I'm on vacation, trying to relax. So far, so good. My mom and I are visiting my older sister in Arizona for a few days. People keep asking if we want to do this or do that and really I'm content sitting on the couch reading a book. The hours I'm keeping with work, people do not realize that I just do not have it in me to run around and do this or that. But tomorrow we're going to Montezuma Castle. Should be fun. Then on Monday we are taking a tour through my sister's boyfriend's company in the desert. Tuesday it's time to go home.

Thursday I am going to my first appointment with my new doctor. My OB/GYN referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist. 15 months into this baby making journey and Clomid only worked three of the seven times I tried it. I am nervous about my appointment. Who knows what the doctor is going to tell me. I got mixed reviews on both doctors my old doctor suggested but I feel good about my choice. I want a baby so bad. I want Jeff and I to have our own child to raise from the get go and show them the things we love and enjoy.

I'm starting my 101 things in 1001 days project. I'd like to blog about it here. I can't wait to start. Here's my list, I'm outta here.

101 things in 1001 days
10/11/2009 - 07/08/2012

Health/Wellness/Personal/Better Myself

1. Get my weight into the 140’s.
2. Get pregnant.
3. Get crowns on back teeth.
4. Don’t eat out for one month (0/30).
5. Get a complete physical.
6. Floss every day for a month (0/30).
7. Quit biting nails.

Financial

8. Get my credit cards paid off.
9. Get my bills/taxes organized.
10. Get wills, etc. in order for me and Jeff.
11. Update checkbook at least once per week (0/143).
12. Have a garage sale.
13. Pay all bills on time!
14. Up my deferred comp to $150/2 weeks by the end of this (it’s at $100/2 weeks right now).
15. Update the transfer to $20/2 weeks for Steven’s savings account.
16. Keep grocery bill under $350/month for one year (0/12) – including food for Sunday Night Dinner.
17. Save money for a trip to Italy in 2014 (0/$8000).

Giving

18. Walk the 3-day Breast Cancer walk in 2010 or 2011.
19. Give blood at 2-3 times per year, at least.
20. Donate 101 items (0/101).
21. Donate hair to Locks of Love.
22. Pay more attention to people when they talk.
23. Only buy enough groceries to fit in my reusable bags. Quit using the grocery store bags.

Household

24. Have bedrooms upstairs finished.
25. Throw away or recycle 101 items (0/101).
26. Get rid of any books and magazines I’m done with or will never read.
27. Get real plants for inside the house and not kill them.
28. Don’t let dishes sit for more than 24 hours in the sink.
29. Develop the disposable cameras in the kitchen.

Learn/Creativity

30. Learn to sew my knitting projects.
31. Complete a scrapbook of Steven pictures.
32. Learn to crochet.
33. Go to the Cleveland Zoo.
34. Try out different churches.
35. Attempt Project 365 (0/365) http://photojojo.com/content/tutorials/project-365-take-a-photo-a-day/
36. Vote!
37. Learn shorthand.
38. Make a soundtrack of my life.
39. Create a book of 100 quotes that are meaningful to me.
40. Make a list of 100 things that make me happy.
41. Don’t swear for an entire week.

Books

42. Read one book a month – I used to read all the time, never have the time anymore but need to get back into it. (0/32)
43. Read at least one of the following:
a. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
b. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
c. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
d. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
e. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
f. Ulysses by James Joyce
g. Beloved by Toni Morrison
h. The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
i. 1984 by George Orwell
j. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
44. Read a book from the banned list - http://www.oclc.org/research/top1000/banned.htm

Food

45. Take a cooking class.
46. Put all my recipes into some type of binder.
47. Bake more often, even if I give the food away. It’s something I enjoy!
48. Cook some stuff out of my starred Google Reader items.
49. Try two new recipes per month (0/64).
50. Try 10 kinds of cheese I’ve never had (0/10).
51. Have my wine fridge be completely full at some point with more than just the wine dad brings from Florida.
52. Try something new at a restaurant every time I eat out.

Me Time

53. Go to all the festivals at Riverfront in 2010, 2011 and 2012, if I’m in town.
54. Have a game night with friends.
55. Go one day per month without getting on the computer (not going to happen if I’m scheduled to work every day of the month).
56. Go on a picnic with Jeff and Steven.
57. Go home from work every day at 4:30 for a week every other month (0/16).
58. Learn to say no!
59. Sit in a coffee shop once a month and relax (0/32).
60. Update Xanga at least once per week (0/143).
61. Finally quit Tallmadge for good and only work at Stow full-time with no other jobs.
62. Take more walks with Cooper.
63. Take Pepper & Sam to Bow Wow Beach at least three times per summer (0/9).
64. Watch a sunrise.
65. Get two massages per year (0/6).
66. Spend an entire day in bed watching old movies and reading.
67. Kiss Jeff good night (0/1001).
68. Get my 2nd set of earrings pierced through again.
69. Mail in two secrets to PostSecret.

Travel

70. Take a weekend trip to NYC.
71. Take a vacation to the beach.
72. Do a road trip.
73. Take an overnight trip with Jeff and visit a nice restaurant (maybe Columbus?).
74. Take an overnight trip with Jeff and Steven.
75. Visit Florida.
76. Visit surrounding states (could be part of road trip) – Michigan, Indiana, Kentucky, West Virginia and Pennsylvania.
77. Get a passport.

Organize/Maintenance

78. Clean out inbox of e-mail once a week (0/143).
79. Have Christmas shopping done by the end of November in either 2010 or 2011.
80. Clean out the car once every two weeks (0/66).
81. Get my rings cleaned at the appropriate times (10/2009, 04/2010, 10/2010, 04/2011, 10/2011 and 04/2012).
82. Start organizing clothes by season and putting them in Rubbermaid bins when they’re not in season.
83. Get my pictures organized in the house and in the computer.
84. Organize office.

Family

85. Send out Christmas cards.
86. Visit grandma more often.
87. Teach Steven to cook more often.
88. Mow the lawn at least once a month for Jeff in the summer (0/8).
89. Love Dare – Write in blog about it.

Work

90. Keep my desk at work clean and organized for a month (Ha ha ha) (0/30).
91. Get to work at least 10 minutes early every day for a month.

Movies/Entertainment

92. Watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy without falling asleep, this means starting it during the day and not 10:00 p.m. at night.
93. Watch all the movies on my notes list in my cell phone.
94. Go see stand up comedy, even if Jeff doesn’t go.
95. Attempt to keep eyebrows in control after waxing them for the wedding so that I don’t have to have them waxed again.
96. Watch 10 movies from IMDB’s top 100 that I haven’t seen.
97. Go to a Murder Mystery Dinner.
98. Find a concert and go to it that Jeff and I would both enjoy.

List

99. Create a new 101 list by the end of the 1001 days for the next 1001 days.
100. Donate $5 for each incomplete item at the end of 1001 days ($505).
101. Add ten things to the list by my 29th birthday (0/10).

3 months later...

2009-02-07T18:42:00.001-08:00

Wow, it's been 3 months. A lot has happened. I didn't conceive that month but I did ovulate (how exciting!). We conceived in December but then had a miscarriage. It started on New Year's Eve and lasted for 13 days. The doctor prescribed something once it started to help it along but was kinda upset I waited until the 8th day before coming to her. This was the most painful, wrenching thing I've been through.

I ran out of hot water so many times, just sitting in the shower bawling my eyes out. The doctor prescribed a new month of Provera to start my period when I'm ready but we're not ready. This was hard and it hasn't helped our marriage at all. I'm not the kind of wife I should be, most days I don't give a shit about anything.

I'm going to start seeing a counselor on Tuesday. I'm actually kind of excited about it.

I made yesterday a Jami day. I went to Borders, spent hours in there and came out with three books (Friday Night Knitting Club, The Beach (?) and Family Tree). I went to lunch with a friend, then went to pick up my arthritis medicine (yes, arthritis at 27), the Provera (I'd like to just have it on hand), then went to JoAnn Fabrics to browse the yarn (didn't buy any) then off to my massage. My massage was great. She kept rubbing my neck and saying in her Russian accent (Do you feel this???) while rubbing this huge knot out of my neck.

Went to lunch with some friends today at the Cheesecake Factory. They finally have the Caramel Chicken that the Grand Luxe Cafe has. Yum-O! I only ate about 1/3 of it and brought the rest for dinner at Tallmadge tonight, along with my Tiramisu Cheesecake.

Jeff was looking over our Kay's Jewelers statement (still paying on my wedding band...) and asked about the account. I explained that we somehow have three accounts with them, one for my engagement ring that he opened up himself, one where we put my wedding band on that is under both of us and a third one just in my name that's never been used. He kept asking questions, I wonder if he's thinking of a V-day gift, even though we agreed not to.

I can't wait for my head to hit that pillow tonight. Mmmmmmm.

2008-11-13T03:07:00.000-08:00

I'm 3 DPO. I'm just excited to have ovulated this month but I'll be 10 times more excited in 11 days, hopefully. I'm trying not to jinx myself here, so we'll see. I couldn't even go back to sleep after taking my temp this morning because I was so excited to come down and put the numbers in and have it tell me I ovulated. (Yes, I cheat and put in fake numbers and play with FF to see if I'll ovulate).

Tonight I'll be working on diaper cakes for Amy's baby shower. It's Saturday. I really need to get a move on things. I got her an outfit for the next four seasons, her tub, a rubber ducky, a hooded towel set (these 3 things she registered for) and then since I didn't know if I'd know how to knit properly by the time of the shower my friend, Deb, made an adorable little hat. Since I'm doing well in the knitting department I'm making her a little scarf out of this adorable fuzzy yarn that is perfect for little girls.

I should get in the shower now. I never wake up early enough to shower and then straighten my hair. Maybe I will do it today.

2008-11-03T07:04:00.000-08:00

This weekend was long and my body hurts. But we have renters moving into our old home and they paid us, so I guess I should be a little grateful. Found a 14th person I know that's pregnant now. 14. WTF. I know they say that it comes in spurts and that you only notice it because you want it so bad but 14, come on.

We did so much painting and cleaning at the old house. I miss it. If it wasn't in the ghetto I'd be back there in a heartbeat. We have so many good memories at that house, it's so much more homey and cozy. All that gorgeous hardwood and woodwork, the plush shaggy carpet we picked out, my green bedroom, my SECOND bathroom, the basement, the closet space. I told Jeff last night, "Let's just move back here and give the renters our other house." He thought I'd gone mad, maybe I have. But I just went home and waited for him to come home and told myself I have to make my current home my happy place.

We have about 13451351235 loads of laundry that need folded. I did a bunch last night when I got home while I watched J&K+8 but of course there's still more. Today's just another good ol' day at work.

I'd rather be at home knitting right now. Now that I took that knitting class I love it and can't get enough. I'm falling behind on other things because of it so I'm trying to find a happy medium. I need a chair for my bedroom because it's not comfortable to sit up in bed and knit all the time or lay on my belly and that's where my DVR is that I watch all my shows on.

My life is so boring right now. All I do is work and sleep. Tuesday night I have to meet Mindy to go buy stuff for Amy's baby shower. That'll be rough but oh well, she's my friend. Wednesday night, Friday night I work at Tallmadge, then also work Saturday night/Sunday morning night shift. Oh boy. Thursday evening and Saturday evening I bowl and then Sunday is the boys' bowling night and Sunday dinner at Jay and Amy's. Next week I'm sure I'll spend the evenings preparing for Amy's shower and Friday night is an Illusions Dance so I'll be working until 11ish that night and the girls want to go out afterwards. Besides the dance and the shower I told Jeff I don't want to do anything that weekend. Just relax!

Ugh, I'm getting sick

2008-09-22T18:22:00.001-07:00

My head is pounding, my throat has been tickling me for days. It's the onset of a cold and it's been looming for a few days.

FWIW, I found my debit card. It was behind my night stand. Yeah. Hawt.

We had dinner at my mom and dad's tonight for my niece's birthday. It was nice to sit with everyone and talk and visit. We had to leave by 7:30 because I am working tonight, 8-11 p.m. Ugh again. When we left though my mom hugged me and said she prays for me every day (to get pregnant), which I thought was so sweet, she's never said anything like that and it got me a bit teary-eyed. I can't wait for hubby and me to give our parents a grandchild. I'm my parents only child together (they were both married before and had other kids) and my mom made a comment one time how she can't wait to have a grandchild that is from both of them. My dad doesn't see get to see his biological kids or grandkids (long story, my dad is NOT a deadbeat to them) so it really means a lot to them I guess.

I gave step-son an extra $0.75 this morning to get a bagel before school at the cafe inside the school. First time in 8 1/2 years that he told me he loved me, lol. All over his love of these bagels.

I actually have a little bit of work to do tonight at the part-time job, so I'm gonna head on out.

And I want to have babies with this man?

2008-09-21T12:48:00.000-07:00

He's driving me up a fucking wall. I can't find my debit card. If you know me, you're not surprised. I'll find it in a few days in my car, in a pair of pants, on my desk when I get to work on Monday. It happens frequently. Yes, it's very hard to remember to put it back in my wallet when I'm done with it. Got a problem with that?

So I ask him to go to the ATM and get out the cash for HIS niece's birthday. I made her cupcakes for her birthday and we're leaving for dinner at about 4:30. It's 3:50. His son will be here soon. He hasn't gone yet. He says, "We can go together." WTF. Go do it. Why do I have to go with you? I already did the grocery shopping and ran errands this morning. It wouldn't kill you to drag your ass to the bank without me. Then he says, "If we're going to do some baby making we should hurry before he (step-son) gets here." You've been pissing me off for the last hour and you want to have sex?

The man has admitted that he likes antagonizing me when I'm in a shitty mood. Why? Why make me more miserable.

I didn't get to do any of my stuff today. I made breakfast, did the grocery list, went shopping, had to run to my old job and drop something off. I ended up visiting with one of the guys there and talking to him longer than expected and made a phone call to my mom. I made the cupcakes, fuck, I still have to put the icing on them.

Everything is always complicated. I'm going to bed early tonight.

Tomorrow - work 8-4:30 but I'll get to work at 7 and twiddle my thumbs for an hour since step-son has to be dropped off at school first and it makes no sense to go back home. Dinner at mom and dad's for my niece's birthday then I have to work 8-11 p.m. Ugh. I'm already tired thinking of tomorrow.

Okay, so it didn't make me more accountable!

2008-09-20T15:42:00.001-07:00

Wow, almost 10 months later and not a post. That's hot. I'm working at my part-time job right now. Not a lot going on and needed to kill some time. I have a lot of thoughts, where better to put them, right?

I'm tired. Like really tired. Jess (a co-worker) asked me today if I ever stop working and the answer is no. Hubby tried to surprise me with breakfast in bed this morning. Yes, I said tried. We've been together over 8 1/2 years and this is the first time. Wonder why he only "tried"? Because when he came up to bring it to me he realized I had gone to work and just not told anyone (he fell asleep on the couch last night and never came upstairs). I feel so bad that I did that to him. He's over it, he ate my breakfast. But I made him his favorite cookies today while we were doing things around the house, hopefully that squared us up.
I have horrible cramps from the Clomid. They suck so bad. Dr. said we'd only do three months of Clomid. Not sure if I want to do more than this one though. If things don't work out with this cycle I'm going to hold off and try and lose a little bit more weight. Last year when I lost 42 lbs I got my first period in what seemed like forever, then the drama started, I gained some back and it was ages before I got another one. So maybe my big butt has something to do with all these problems.
I know we're not pregnant yet but we've been clearing out our guest room just the same. It will be our nursery some day. It's the only other room upstairs besides our master. It's the smallest of the four rooms and for the past 2 1/2 years all we've done is pile stuff in there and call it our guest room (the only things that ever slept on that bed were our two cats), so slowly but surely it's looking better. We moved a big piece of furniture out of there and finally put it to use in our bedroom and hopefully we've sold our old loveseat and couch and can get rid of the cushions we've stored in there.
Tomorrow I'm off from everything! Yeah! But I do have to work until 12:30 tonight. 5 1/2 hours to go. Tomorrow I'm going to work on the office some more and our bedroom. Need to do some organizing. Then I'm going to make some apple bars I found on Good Things Catered. They sound really good. I also have to make hubby's niece some Diet Sprite cupcakes for her birthday. She's crazy about them. Then we're going to their house for dinner tomorrow night.
I want to learn to properly knit. I tried to teach myself and just can't do it. I need a person to help me go through the motions. I found a class at Joann Fabrics that I'm going to try out but dumbass me scheduled myself to work the night that it's offered this month. Soooo, as soon as the schedule is out for October I'm signing myself up and going to make sure it's in my calendar! As Michelle (another co-worker) said, when will I have the time to do it?
I love how we rearranged the living room today. The sofa table is on the other side of the room now and it opens it up so much more. The walkway between the front door and the hallway was just too jammed up.
There is absolutely nothing on television right now. Ugh. Yes, I'm a slackass and get to watch T.V. at this job too. I lucked out so much.

Alright that is it for now. Gonna go eat my dinner that one of the officers just dropped off. A&W Root Beer Stand. Yum!

Will this make me more accountable?

2008-01-04T21:34:00.000-08:00

I know no one out there will probably even read this but maybe it will help with my accountability.

I started WW 1/3/07. I lost 42.5 lbs by the end of June 2007. I was so proud of myself.

Then my life went crazy and I've put 1/2 of that back on. I finally decided I couldn't go back to where I was a year ago. I can't put all that weight back on. My body doesn't want it and sure doesn't need it!

Today was my third day back on plan. I've done relatively good.

Wednesday:
I was sick, went to the doctor. Had an appointment at 1:35 and called and begged for a 9:00 a.m. appointment. They caved and I went, I was in so much pain so I didn't eat until about 12-1ish that day. I had two cough drops in the morning though! (1 point)

While putting away groceries (my pharmacy is in my grocery store so I picked up some stuf) I ate a Fiber One Bar - Oats & Caramel. This is the new flavor and it's pretty good. I love the peanut butter one but hate that it's 3 points instead of 2 points. I was also disappointed that they downsized the box to 5 bars. (Wasn't it 6 before or am I losing my mind??)

For lunch I had a can of Progresso Chicken & homestyle noodles. This helped the throat immensely. (4.5 points).

I've been craving meatloaf so for dinner I made mini meatloafves with raw ground beef, carrots, celery, onions, bread crumbs, A1 sauce, an egg and ketchup. I put this in muffin tins. It's 3 points for two of them. I also made the parmesan mashed potatoes off the WW website. Not bad, a little dry. Maybe I"ll add some chicken broth next time.

I did snack throughout the day, had another Fiber One bar...a few chocolate covered cherries that my mom sent home. Hopefully Jeff will eat the rest. And then I had some strawberries with a chocolate yogurt dipping sauce I got off of www.weightwatchen.com. I used only my 26 points for the day, didn't go over at all.

Thursday:

B: Omelette - 1 egg and 2 egg whites, 1/4 cup shredded fat free cheese, splash of skim milk, 1.5 oz of jennie-o turkey ham and a tsp of olive oil. 6 points and very filling.

S: Fiber One Oats & Peanut Butter Bar - 3 points.

L: Whole wheat tortilla pizza with sauce and cheese and a large orange - 4 points.

S: Strawberries with the chocolate yogurt dipping sauce - 2 points

D: Just a piece of baked chicken, leftover mashed potatoes and roasted onions and bell peppers - 8 points.

S: A starbucks Java fudge bar - 2 points, String cheese and a pickle - 2 points, Fried banana cinnamon toast - 2 points.

29 points for the day

Friday
B: Egg sandwich on a whole wheat mini bagel with a tsp of olive oil, a cup of light yogurt with dried cranberries - 7 points.

L: Whole wheat tortilla pizza and a spinach/strawberry/dried cranberry salad with lite sweet & sour sauce (awesome!!) - 5.5 points.

D: Applebee's onion soup and the chicken sandwich. The sandwich didn't have the marinara sauce or the mushrooms and they skimped on the fruit (disappointed with them) so I figured 9 points for both items.

We split a Maple Butter Blondie between the three of us for dessert. We cut it into equal portions and if I figured the recipe correctly 1/3 of it is ~7.5 points.

Sitting here planning out tomorrow I ended up eating a large orange for 1 point.

32 points total today (earned 1 AP) so I have 27 weekly points left!